Pauly James

Taking. one. deep. breath.

*inhales*

This expression thing aint easy.

Crumbling.

Immediately, retreating. Into myself. Shutting down.

Day 1: Uncomfortable, successful.

Day 2: Uncomfortable, disastrous.

Day 3: Bed.

Phone on silent. Now, airplane mode. Wait: Call barring, on.

Do I feel like a creative person? Yes.

Maybe that’s what all creative people feel at the beginning: Blocked.

How would I know? How will I know?

Step 1: Explore.

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Lots of writing.

Not here. At least not yesterday.

Instead, in real paper form.

Beginning, The Artist’s Way.

(You’re not meant to see my ‘Morning Pages’, apparently).

Though I’ll still continue adding here — to continue practicing the habit of expressing what’s on my mind without judgement from those who might stumble across my muse.

Whether there’s any greater point to it, that’s uncertain.

The value you as the reader will find in these words? I’m unsure.

But I’ll still do it.

Because it’s important.

For the both of us, really.

And maybe just by reading these [pointless] words, you’ll be inspired to write some of your own.

And to practice expressing whatever is on your heart or mind on that particular day — point in time.

And maybe as you’ve stumbled across mine, I too will stumble across yours.

See you there.

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I can appreciate the lure of alcoholism, drugs, sex…

When you’re trying to escape, you’re just desperately trying to feel. something. different.

Or something at all.

Or nothing at all.

Me, now, it’s this numbness. This blank. dull. existence.

It feels impossible to break free.

For moments, maybe. Though temporary.

Always temporary.

In this still, aching emptiness, I actually can’t decide: Do I want to feel something or nothing at all?

Perhaps just not this.

However I might describe it: Just. not. this.

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Pauly James

Pauly James

practicing writing more to unlock my creativity and ‘inner artist’ | maybe we’ll both learn something here.