It’s much harder the second day.
I don’t know what I’m going to write today.
But the word that came up consistently yesterday — and today — is expression.
Not because there is anything specific to say — or to do.
But, just, to BE. ME. takes authentic and unbridled self-expression.
It’s what the psychic told me in November. And even when taken with a grain of salt… it struck a chord.
Why am I holding back?
What’s holding me back?
What am I holding back?
My challenge is not to ‘find the right words’, rather just express the words I’ve found — so far.
The same with my purpose, really.
The challenge not being trapped in this endless quest for my purpose (singular) but to express what my purpose feels to be today.
But going back to those questions… first, what’s holding me back?
Anxiety? Judgement from others? Failure? Success?
Perhaps it’s more tangible? The skills to interact with people I admire. The ability to hold conversation, build relationships; sustain relationships.
Patience? Rather, let’s say, the sustained dedication to my craft.
Here’s a story:
Mr Beast. Started YouTubing in ~2012. Relentlessly — obsessively — applied himself to his passion. He sought out people (online), and spent hours with them in all day ‘masterclasses’, nutting out how to crack success on YouTube.
Years later, nothing. Ten years later, the world’s most prolific YouTuber: 93.5m subscribers (and counting).
Makes me wonder… what could I achieve in 10 years with the relentless dedication to my craft?
More importantly… what could I achieve in 10 years if I spent more time being me and less time trying to fit into a mould?
It’s not even conscious — but it is intensely logical.
‘That makes sense’.
It’s part superpower — the ability to bring together disparate information and assemble it in a simple way for people to understand.
It’s one of the few things that I feel particularly good at.
But for my own life, I’m intensely emotional, yet apply the same logical reasoning to almost every aspect of my life — and decisions.
If I could just let it flow and allow myself to feel more — to trust those feelings — and let them lead me…
That brings me to the second question: What am I holding back?
A more important question. For me at least.
When I’m not expressing myself — when I’m not sharing — I feel like I’m missing something that’s fundamentally me.
And yet most often, I’m held back by the fear of judgement. No. Self-criticism.
The same reason that I erased a couple of sentences earlier. Habit.
What might it take for me to rewire the inner critic to see the opportunities of unrestrained expression and less of the threats?
#002 (what you’re reading now) is one of the first steps to doing that, perhaps. Another expression session I won’t read before publishing. I’ll just hit publish.
And see what happens.